Thursday, February 16, 2012

Pro-???

It's strange... for as long as I can remember, I've not had a strong leaning one way or the other in terms of pro-life or pro-choice. I didn't like the idea of abortion, but I could be OK with a woman making her own decision. If pressed, I would have probably even said that I was pro-choice. But recently that has all changed. It's changed because it has become much more personal. A friend of mine told me that she was pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Immediately, I knew that I had to be the pro-life support for her. That was what she was asking for (not overtly, but clearly why she told me as opposed to others in her life). I counseled her as best I could, took her to a pregnancy resource center for more counseling and was there with her when they did a sonogram and showed her the little baby's beating heart.

Through it all, I held to the pro-life line, promoting adoption. And as I argued that line, I realized that I truly am pro-life. Though I could understand her reasoning and why she thought an abortion was best, I could not bring myself to accept that any reason was enough to end this baby's life. And yes, I believe that 5 week old, 3 millimeter, embryo is a baby. I saw its heart beat. I cannot figure out how to justify not call a beating heart life. And I am heartbroken now as I realize that that life was ended today.


Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Postpartum & Patience

I suppose one way to overcome postpartum depression is to become antepartum once again! It's crazy how much control hormones have over our brains. All it takes is a little baby growing inside of me for my brain chemistry to even out again. One thing I have learned from this abrupt change is that my depression was worse than I realized. I feel "normal" again. This is certainly a wake-up-call for me that medicine and/or talk therapy may be a worth-while approach if this happens again.

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That first paragraph was written back in December when we first learned of the pregnancy. But I didn't feel comfortable sharing until we made it through the first trimester. So here we are in mid-February. Looking back at my thoughts in December, I am so glad that I had a period of "normal". That feeling was quickly replaced by nausea and fatigue! In my previous pregnancies, these symptoms lasted until about week 16, so I still have a month more of this! AHHH!!! And then still another month after that to learn if our little baby is a boy or a girl! I'm ready now!

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I'm ready for a lot of things now... ready for this school year to be done, ready for my husband to hear back about all his applications, ready for us to decide on a school, ready to resign, ready to find a new house or apartment.... the list goes on. Right now so much just feels unsettled. We know change is coming, but it's not here, yet! Oh, to have patience!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

kslats

The web address for this blog begins kslats*... which comes from my name, sort of. You see, I got this right around the time I was getting married, around the time my name would change. But, you see, names don't change automatically. You have to submit the proper paperwork and call EVERYONE who uses your name for things. This all seemed like a lot of work that summer of 2008 when I was also busy moving to a new city and starting a new job. So I just didn't.

A few months later, this fact came up in casual conversation with some friends. They were appalled that I had not taken care of the name switch yet. This got me thinking, why was it so important that my husband and I share the same last name? I couldn't really come up with any compelling reasons for me. Sure, it shows a cohesiveness, the two becoming one. But he and I are one. I don't need to change my name to make that true. It's true because of how I live each day.

We've been married for nearly 4 years now, and I'm still using my maiden name. I've begun to think about it again, since soon we will be moving and I will be a stay-at-home-mom. I could justify it (at least somewhat) to outsiders before by simply using my legal name in my professional life but being OK to be called by my married name in my personal life. But soon my professional life will be on hold... what then?

I probably won't change a thing. I like that it makes people in our conservative, christian circles feel uncomfortable. That uncomfortableness makes people think about what they believe and why they believe it. I want the married women I come in contact with to consider why they changed their names. It should mean something. It should mean something much more than just bowing to societal conventions.

The one thing I probably will change is the web address for this blog. I'm just not sure what to change it to, yet!

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*Note: the blog address was switched to engineeringmotherhood.com in February of 2013